it’s been a while

lol it has been a while… last time i blogged was like athletics carnival and that was at the prompting of alice.. shpanks kwak.. lol… so hows my life been since earlyish 2007… well fun is one way of putting it…

as usual i get up to my antics…
lol i had a boyfriend.. lol and now i don’t…
my cousin came to live with us in late 2006 and now she’s moved out..
i’ve grown a year older… but not taller..
lol holly’s grown taller and older.. double damn..
i met some very interesting people… seamus, john, nick just to name a few..
and i’ve been continually surprised…

so 08… what do i expect?… hmm not much.. lol i’m waiting to be surprised.. school’s just school.. though this year it’s important.. i guess my future depends on it… but then again not necessarily….
but it will be a year of self discovery, pushing the limits and supporting each other.

my outlook on humanity?… hmmm just proves no one is perfect… when it comes do to the deciding factor.. words mean nothing only actions…
the last two weeks haven’t been rosy…
there’s been tension at home, lies, starting of school, confusion, pressure, uncertainty, sadness, exhaustion and so much more… but i can say that i’m coming out of these two weeks with a much happier outlook lol… oh it’s possible..

and i’ve decided after like 3ish years or something to have a bit of change… lol see my theme is different lol
but i know that i’ve always been portraying myself as some evil thing that’s crawled out of hell and i don’t talk talk much so i guess that gives me the “this is a depressed girl” label…
and it’s kinda funny.. cuz i’m not really like that…
i don’t know what people’s expectation of me are…
i don’t know how people see me
and i really don’t mind what they think.. of course if it offended them too much i’d try to fix it but otherwise nope wouldn’t really care.

i know who i am and i know what i can be.. and i think i kinda lost that last year i’m not sure… but lol it’s back again this year.. so HA!!

i’ve always had a bleak view of humanity and that isn’t to say that i’m cynical and blah blah… but i know how bad life gets.. no i’m not tryin to sound like i know everything.. but i have some idea of how hard life gets… and i tell people this and they believe that that IS my outlook on life.. but it isn’t i’m generally an extremely happy person.. though it can be hard to tell at times lol i know… i know there’s heaps of the bad.. but there’s always a drop of good in people and i like to look for and believe in that.. though i do “accidently” forget to do that sometimes hehehh.. something about rage taking over possibly?…

i’m kinda gettin lost in what i’m tryin to say… it’s just all thoughts coming out.. i guess i should plan things more? XD

i think i’m jst trying to get some kinda understanding lol

but yehs… i guess this is all centred around certain events that happened in the last two weeks… hmmm… funny enough i don’t feel saddened.. just detached and aloof from that experience yet so happy at the same time.. doesn’t mean i’m hiding everything not confronting it… it’s just how i deal with things…. does it devalue it? maybe… i don’t know…

but i feel really happy and i’m very appreciative of everyone.. which leads me to think… do we really want to say “are you ok/alright” or do we just feel like we have to say it?.. jst a thought lol.. but no… i believe everyone meant it… so it’s all good… lol i guess some were surprised by my reply or that i was faking it or i guess they may have been prepared for the unexpected.. though i don’t know…

i cried friday night when my parents spoke supporting words to me… not cuz it was supporting.. it was though.. lol that was the reason for them… but i kinda already knew those words cuz they were deep inside me.. no i cried cuz it came from them… because they showed it.. because they could do it and they did… and funny enough i was fine and wasn’t crying before they said anything.. but yeh.. they have been surprising lol… and i love them and glad to have them.. lol my dad’s a crack up and my mum can be too.. hahah holly’s just holly and i love her.. though i do get worried about her.. she’s so innocent and annoying.. lol what a combination =]…

lol i really should be doing my society assessment right now HAHA.. but i need to get this out before i forget =P

and everyone that’s been showing concern for me.. thank you … it really helps .. and thanks rachel for lunch and yang for ice cream.. lol it was nice of you guys hehe.. made me that much more happier…

i don’t know if people are waiting for me to break down .. but rest assured i’m fine… cuz i was kinda prepared for this… don’t dwell on the worst possibly outcome but also remember it can still happen lol.. so yeh

i have learnt a lot from this, not only about myself but also the people around me…

so i’m glad this happened.. can’t agree it was the best or not… but i’m not goin to dwell on that because what’s happened has happened and no one came out too badly i hope.

i’ve learnt about relationships and i’ve learnt about being single… which do i like more? i don’t know.. guess i’ll have to find out next time aye?
lol

okies i shouldn’t continue cuz i really have to do my society.. cuz it’s due tomorow hahahhah and i am NO WHERE near finished

thank you all for reading, for being there and for putting up with me

Helen

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