At this point in time…

Maybe this is it…
This is where the lies and secrets lead you.
A disjointed place with discontentment.
Running, fleeing, fighting,
whatever you call it,
anything but what it really is.

It sounds like I’m just blaming you but it’s the fault of two parties, like most situations.
I let too much slack in, I gave up, I pushed and that was it, simple gaps, undoing of the good, hardening of the resolve.
Well it was more than that, but this isn’t a psychoanalysis of me.

I didn’t want to get involved so I didn’t, and now I’m not. I’m not involved in a lot. This is what I wanted, isn’t it? 
There’s never a balance.
Maybe I’ll stop, do exactly what I did before because I still don’t know if this isn’t the way I want it.
Maybe it’s the beer goggles?
But I was out a long time ago, and that truth I know for sure.

On a different note, GAHHHHJGDUKBGUO, my phone died when writing this =.=”, thank goodness wordpress saved most of it =D.

Promises of more ramblings.
Just need to work on that good old time management.

Should be sleeping,
Helen ♥

Thoughts

Because I don’t know how to tell you
without feeling like I’m pushing you,
and I don’t think I’ll be able wait if I do.

How can something that brings such happy thoughts,
feel so oppressing and sad?

Thinking,
Helen ♥

Sigh at $$

It’s crazy the amount of money I’ve spent in the last two weeks.
And the amount of money I’ve estimated I’ll need to spend in the next four months is just insane… I need another job.
In the beginning of the year I was able to make $700 last over six-ish months.
But now, sigh… just sighhhhhh.

Damn you money, damn you.

On a brighter note,
dinner was good tonight =D.

You seem fed up.
It’s just one thing after another.
Time is so precious now.

Slipping,
Helen ♥

Better Than You

Sometimes you can’t help but compare.
For example a few days ago I kept comparing something to something which for the life of me I can’t recall now.
That’s how it should be,
you should be able to compare things without guilt,
cause honestly somethings are better or worse than others.
So compare all you want,
but don’t take it to heart,
especially when it comes to people.

On a different note…
Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
My December is so messed up,
the first two weeks of it anyway.
Not much that I can do,
except hope for the best.
I missed out on things, people and events this year, and I want to make up for it.
But can you ever really catch up on lost time?

lalala,
Helen ♥